Coping with My Emotions --3 Steps to Start
Posted: December 4, 2020
Coping with My Emotions --3 Steps to Start
Have you felt like your emotions have hijacked your day? You may not even know how or why, or even what emotions you were feeling. You may just understand your feelings feel intense, overwhelming, or even totally disconnected from your day. Maybe you have even had a friend, spouse, or co-worker tell you that you don’t manage your emotions well or are not aware of how your feelings affect you. Do you what to start having more understanding and control over your feelings instead of feeling like your emotions control you? Do you need to connect to your feelings because you are withdrawn, numb, or disconnected from them? Here are three necessary steps that can get you started to have a healthier response to your emotions.
Notice the emotions you are feeling. Don’t judge them. Don’t ignore them. Simply start by just acknowledging they are there. Putting a name to your experience of emotions can allow you to feel a sense of control or connection to yourself instead of feeling like a blob of emotion or numbed out. There is a difference between realizing “I feel nothing.” or “I don’t know” to identifying “I feel ashamed” or “I feel overwhelmed.” To help in this identification process of noticing your emotions, you can check in with yourself several times a day or at the end of your day. Write down at least three feelings you felt that day. Every day, identify three different emotions. Again, don’t judge them, not even analyze them at this point; just take note. Try this out for a few weeks, and notice what you have learned. It can also help to identify them by using a feeling wheel or list to expanding your expression of your emotions.Feeling Wheel
Get curious about your emotions. Not critical, not analytical, but curious. Staying curious about your feelings allows you to remain open and care for yourself, allowing you to learn. Judgment, criticism, and even analyzing will shut down your learning process. Your feelings are telling us something. Having a healthy emotional life requires you to decern what your emotions are telling you. Your feelings are real, but they may not be the truth of your situation. Taking some time to get curious about them can allow you to understand your experience and yourself. Here are a few things you can get curious about:
- What did I see or hear that shifted my emotion? Looking at pics of happy couples on Instagram, you noticed feeling jealous and depressed. After hearing the tone of your husband’s voice, you felt belittled.
- What changed in your environment? I noticed I became anxious when the room became more crowded.
- What is this emotion telling you: a warning or care you may have or need? I notice I’m overwhelmed; I shouldn’t commit to anything else this week. I’m feeling critical towards myself; I need to be more understanding. I notice I’m angry; I need to stop this conversation to calm down.
- Take three slow deep breaths.
- Bring up that emotion that has been troubling you. Notice how it feels in your body just for a moment. ( Tension in shoulders, knots in the stomach)
- Say to yourself: I notice this emotion of ( sadness, anger) I have cared for it, and now can let it go. You can picture yourself putting that emotion into a jar or file, somewhere safe and protected. End by taking a few more slow breaths.