Posted: August 24, 2021
I heard this phrase over and over again when I first started to work as a counselor “boundaries are where others end, and you begin.” Honestly, I didn’t get it. I would say that phrase repeatedly to myself, and I still felt like I wasn’t getting it. This phrase comes from the book Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine. Even after read books, material, lead groups, and counseling. I felt like I was still missing something or only scraping the surface when it came to an understanding and implementing boundaries in my own life. So if you have felt lost about boundaries or confused, I get it, me too!! With this being said, the hard reality that I faced was that my boundaries were being overstepped all the time. The even harder truth I then realized was I was allowing it. I let others and myself overstep my boundaries. Why was this happening? I didn’t see it as a boundary issue. I didn’t realize the frustration I was feeling again & again was because I was undermining myself. I didn’t understand how lack of boundaries was affected me both emotionally and relationally. Things to realize about boundaries: - If you’re going to be resentful to saying yes, it should be a no. - It’s okay & good to say no. -You’re NOT selfish for setting boundaries - Know your values and what you’re okay with and not. - Know you DO have choices. - You can manage your emotions. Boundaries ARE something that can be learned. They are more about how we value ourselves and consider how our choices and priorities affect our overall health, those we love, and few things we have responsibility for. When we overstep these boundaries, this all gets blurred. Everything and everyone becomes our responsibility. This isn’t true or realistic for anybody!! It’s understandable that we have come to this point for a reason and are given a choice to make a change for ourselves or not. It’s not going to be perfect or easy or quick, but I have learned that it is worth it. Setting boundaries is worth your freedom and peace of mind. If you need further support with boundaries, please reach out today!